Guest post by Andrew Orvedahl
As a touring comedian, I’ve stayed in countless hotels, all the way from a place in Chicago that was missing a window (in January) to a penthouse on the Las Vegas strip. Anyone who travels even a bit knows that all hotels are not created equal, but here are some of the criteria for finding that great stay.
Carte Blanche is French for Go Nuts.
If someone else is picking up the tab, disregard the rest of this blog and go nuts. Stay in the nicest, priciest hotel you can find, because life is short and everyone deserves to see that it’s possible to fold a hand towel into a seashell shape.
You don’t get what you don’t pay for.
A hotel can definitely be too inexpensive. Like, they can’t afford to properly launder their sheets, or replace mattresses once a decade. Also, a free continental breakfast is only a good deal if it’s edible. When you’re looking for a bargain, this is one of the rare instances where reading online reviews can be handy before you end up with a mystery rash.
Apparently hotels believe uber-wealthy people love throwing money into the wind.
One of the most surprising aspects of really nice, high-end hotels is how suddenly everything costs a ton. Parking? That’ll be $30 a night! Wifi? $20 a day! Are you sure we can use the towels for free? High-end hotels have the opposite problem of their cheap-o brethren, where apparently their internet is delivered on spun gold wires from heaven itself, and they have to pass that cost on to you. Fortunately you can avoid most of these surprises by visiting the hotel’s website (or calling and asking, if you’re old school).
So where would Goldilocks stay?
You don’t want too cheap, and you don’t want too expensive. I go as cheap as I can before I get into the shady zone, and here’s why: all hotels are essentially the same. They’re a place for you to sleep in between doing fun stuff. So as long as the bed isn’t disgusting, and there’s hot water, you should be fine. Oh, and wash your hands after using the TV remote, it’s the germiest spot in the room.
Like these tips? Check out Andrew’s tips on flying.
